Like calories of a CPK brownie sundae, or effects of global warming, the illegitimacy of clubs is an inconvenient truth.

It’s a known fact that the club that gets the most sign-ups is the club that has most to offer. Unfortunately, I’m not talking about offers that include intellectual endeavors or tight-knit communities—but rather offers that include, and are not limited to, brownies and sour punch straws.  Seventh graders sign up for anything that remotely interests them, and Twelfth graders sign up for anything that has something on the table that remotely interests them.  Club fair corruption is the start of failing clubs because clubs cannot exist solely on hasty hungry members.

The lack of real members leads to the club scene’s second problem—diversity of membership.  As the first few meetings pass, and attendance weeds out, club presidents begin to see the downfall of their lunchtime regimes.

Like all good leaders, they then look to those who are closest to them to rally support and keep the club alive.  At this stage, let’s say around early November, clubs just become friends eating together in a classroom, and the target of the club may, or may not be discussed during meetings.

This is not to say that the Marlborough campus lacks some successful clubs.  Alliance for example, has weekly meetings with frequent attendance, as well as many different kinds of girls who come from all sections of the school.  The club has a strong doctrine and is determined to send its message to our community.

However, Alliance is the exception—not the rule.  It’s unfocused clubs like “One Tree Hill Club,” which meets to watch a TV show, or even a club dear and close to my heart like “Young Democrats,” which has met two times this year, that degrade the concept of clubs at this school.

Obviously, illegitimate clubs are not an offensive presence on campus.  However, the whole idea is food for thought.  Why do clubs put out delicious treats if they only attract phony members? Why  put “club president” on your resume if the title ultimately just means president of your lunchtime friend group every other Tuesday?   And let’s be honest, there’s a reason club periods were eliminated from the schedule—we had  to cut our losses.